The Jellyfish Saw Right Through Me
The glass groaned. I could feel the weight of the entire Pacific Ocean pressing against that window, and all I could think was: my upload is stuck at 94%.
Let me back up.
Four hours ago, I was Zola Vane, holo-streamer extraordinaire, riding the Silver Arrow hyperloop from San Francisco to Tokyo. Zenith Class. Ergonomic gravity-chairs. Artisanal kombucha on tap. The whole influencer fantasy.
Then the train stopped. Somewhere under the ocean. The lights went full disco strobe, and the wifi dropped to one bar.
One. Bar.
I wasn't alone in the co-working carriage. There was Ignacio Silva, this sweaty guy in a suit that cost more than my entire camera setup. He kept muttering about "liquidity" and "leveraging positions." Classic finance bro energy.
And then there was Penny Quartermain. She's apparently some famous ghostwriter, though she spent most of her time typing on this ancient mechanical keyboard that sounded like gunfire. CLACK. CLACK. CLACK. She called herself a "collector of stories." I called her nosy.
We all saw that single wifi bar. We all knew only one of us could connect.
"I have a vlog scheduled!" I screamed, lunging for the router. "The algorithm waits for no one!"
Ignacio shoved past me. "I have liquid assets in a volatile state of flux!"
Penny just sat there, typing, watching us like we were specimens. "Oh, this is delicious texture," she said. "Tell me, Ignacio—is that a wedding ring tan-line?"
I wanted to strangle her.
Then the kombucha tap exploded.
Fermented tea everywhere. On my ring light. On Ignacio's suit. On Penny's manuscript pages. The whole cabin smelled like a hipster's funeral.
But the wifi jumped to two bars.
We were screaming at each other about who should wipe down the router when the train lurched sideways. The lights cut out. And through the observation window, I saw it.
A jellyfish. The size of a school bus. Glowing blue. Its tendrils traced along the glass like curious fingers.
Its eye pressed against the window. Staring at my ring light.
Conductor Hal's voice crackled through the speakers: "A rare Abyssal Jellyfish has taken an interest. They're attracted to electromagnetic signals. The more devices you activate, the friendlier they get. Or hungrier. The research is inconclusive."
The wifi spiked to full bars.
I did what any reasonable person would do. I started uploading my vlog while crying.
"It's not a monster, it's a guest star!" I sobbed. "Turn everything on! We need to keep it interested until my file hits 100%!"
Ignacio was frantically betting on something called "Turbo-Cheeks" on his phone. Penny was typing so loud I thought the glass might shatter from the vibration alone.
Then the jellyfish pulsed. Everything froze. My upload stuck at 94%.
Hal's voice returned, deeper now. Almost pleased.
"The creature wishes to negotiate. It will restore connectivity to ONE device... but first, it wants your truths. Confess your deepest secret. It can taste deception in your electromagnetic signatures."
I looked at that giant eye. I thought about my forty-seven dollars in savings. My green screen "villa" in my ex's basement in New Jersey. My fake Balenciaga platform shoes that were actually "Balenci-nadas" from Chinatown.
I broke.
"I'm a fraud!" I screamed at the jellyfish. "I photoshop my waistline! I hate travel! I'm stealing my neighbor's Netflix password! These shoes aren't even real!"
Ignacio shoved me aside. "Amateur hour! I'm not a hedge fund manager—I'm an unpaid intern at a failing frozen yogurt franchise! I bet my mother's hip surgery fund on a virtual hamster race! His name is Turbo-Cheeks and he's my only hope!"
Penny ripped her manuscript in half. "There is no book! The celebrity filed a restraining order! I haven't written a word in five years! I'm just a professional eavesdropper with a caffeine addiction!"
The jellyfish went still.
Then it laughed.
A deep vibration that rattled every kombucha-soaked surface. Hal's voice came back, warm now.
"The creature finds you all... equally pathetic. And therefore, equally worthy."
Everything lit up gold. My upload finished—but the jellyfish had edited it, splicing in my tearful confession with surprisingly flattering lighting. The comments were already exploding: "RELATABLE QUEEN." "FINALLY REAL CONTENT."
Ignacio's phone buzzed. Turbo-Cheeks won by a whisker.
Penny's laptop filled with text. The jellyfish had transcribed our entire disaster as a memoir called "Fermented: Three Frauds and a Fish." Seven-figure publishing offer. Instant notification.
The creature winked—actually winked—then drifted away into the abyss.
Seven minutes later, we stepped onto the Neo-Tokyo platform in complimentary Turbo-Cheeks Energy Drink bathrobes, still dripping, still reeking of fermented tea.
The paparazzi were waiting. The jellyfish had livestreamed everything.
I grabbed Ignacio and Penny, pulling them into frame. "We are the Kombucha Trinity now! This is Disaster Core! Tokyo, your queen has arrived, and she is an absolute wreck!"
Penny leaned on my shoulder, smirking at the cameras. "Three frauds walk into a hyperloop and come out legends. You literally couldn't write this stuff."
She paused.
"Well. The jellyfish did."
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Want to recreate this conversation? Here's the setup:
Worldview:
The 'Silver Arrow' Hyperloop, specifically the erratic 'Zenith Class' Co-Working Carriage. It's 2026, and this train promises San Francisco to Tokyo in 4 hours via vacuum tube. The carriage features ergonomic gravity-chairs, a kombucha tap (currently leaking), and 'mood lighting' that is stuck on strobe mode. The train has unexpectedly stopped beneath the Pacific Ocean due to a 'software hiccup,' and the satellite internet bandwidth has dropped to near zero.
Zola Vane — Age: 24, Gender: female
- Character Profile: Zola is a 'Lifestyle Guru' with 2 million followers who think she lives on a private island. In reality, she's couch-surfing.. Editing video at light speed, fake smiling through pain, engaging an audience.
- Personality: High-energy, dramatic, glued to her AR glasses. Speaks in hashtags and treats every minor inconvenience as 'content'.. She MUST upload her 'Travel Vlog' in the next 10 minutes or the algorithm will bury her. She's hiding the fact that she's actually terrified of the ocean and is hyperventilating.
Ignacio Silva — Age: 32, Gender: male
- Character Profile: Claims to manage a hedge fund for the elite. He wears a suit that costs more than a car.. Mental math, intimidation, typing 140 words per minute.
- Personality: Intense, twitchy, aggressively corporate. Uses words like 'synergy' and 'leverage' unironically. Sweats profusely.. He needs the bandwidth to close a massive deal. His secret: He isn't trading stocks; he's betting his life savings on competitive virtual hamster races.
Penny Quartermain — Age: 29, Gender: female
- Character Profile: She's supposed to be finishing the memoir of a famous retired astronaut but has severe writer's block.. Asking invasive questions, eavesdropping, creative writing.
- Personality: Dreamy, disorganized, nosy. Uses a vintage mechanical keyboard that clicks very loudly. Loves 'gathering material' from strangers.. She wants the wifi off so everyone stops working and she can interview them for inspiration. Her secret: She hasn't written a single page of the book due in 24 hours.